Have you gotten into angry debates or disconnected from people altogether because of who they’re supporting in the upcoming election? You’re hardly alone. We are a nation divided by social and political differences in viewpoint and tend to think of the other side as fundamentally stupid, crooked, and certainly less humane or moral than we. In this piece, I’ll share my own experiences of bridging these differences through seeing in others myself and my own story of growing up with my dad.
I was 9 years-old in the months leading up to the 1980 election. Like probably all kids of that age, I got most information from my parents; and mainly my dad, Jimmy. He worked as a wrecker driver and listened to talk radio while hauling cars around San Antonio every day. My dad had strong opinions about the election and the need for Ronald Reagan as president.
Jimmy Reicherzer wasn’t a radical or particularly angry man. However, he saw the changing world of his time with what seemed to be runaway inflation coupled with a government so weak internationally that we couldn’t rescue U.S. hostages from Iran, let alone face the ever-looming threat of a nuclear showdown with the U.S.S.R.
The single most important thing in his life was my future. Like parents of every age, he worried a great deal about the world that his child would inherit.
My dad passed away 21 years ago. I think of him often in the current political climate, wondering what his thoughts would be. Whether he’d be supportive of Donald Trump or not, I cannot say with certainty. The one thing I do know is that there are an awful lot of men and women who, like my dad in 1980, are fearing for their own children and seeking the solutions that they believe will alleviate that fear.
In spite of the fact that I will not vote for Donald Trump in this election, I cannot see his supporters as so very different from the man for whom creating a safe world for me was the greatest priority in life. For that reason, it’s not possible for me to think of them as my enemies. Some in fact, I am very grateful to call friends. Like both my dad and me, they make the best decisions they can based on what they’ve seen and done in their lives, the struggles they’ve faced, the dreams that they’ve either realized or not.
As much as I value the myriad life experiences I’ve had, I realize that the sum of my beliefs is really just a reflection of my realities, which among other things included growing up as gender-nonconforming in Texas during the 80s before having sexual reassignment surgery and moving around the country, struggling to climb a corporate ladder, and then going to graduate school and becoming a mental health counselor and counselor educator. I’ve encountered many amazing things and learned to love a diverse world of people along the way.
Each of our understandings of the world and what’s needed for it comes from the sum of our experiences. The things that inform who I am are my own and represent just one more way of living. It’s for this reason that I’m grateful to have people in my life who are very different from me. In fact, people’s experiences impact me all the time; and what’s more, I know that I impact them.
This is a very good thing.
After all, one of the greatest opportunities of humanness is in our ability to connect with each other and learn to love each other’s distinctions. By finding these places of connection, we create situations in which transformation is very possible. We cannot unlearn a reality after we’ve been exposed to it.
I encourage each of you to never shy away from the opportunity to be transformed by someone who’s different. Lean in, listen, learn who they are and what they have to share. Let them impact you; and allow your impact to wash over them. It may or may not lead to a deep and abiding relationship, but it will allow empathy. This is a quality that’s sorely needed in a world as divided as ours.
I do not hold that all of the world’s problems that are caused by political discord can be solved through empathy. I can however say with certainty that empathic awareness of the Other is the footpath to inner peace. If we wish to have peace in our time, we’ll do well by learning to walk its path.
